This week I read John Maxwell’s new book called “25 Ways to Win with People.” This book was written to change the fundamental way people approach relationships. We all are still working daily to improve our skills and relationships with others. Like everyone, I’ve done some stupid things, stepped on toes, and even hurt people’s feelings.
So I decided to read this book. I have decided to share a few of the principles that I found in this book. Let’s me first say that I am a firm believer in the power of encouragement. When used in the authentic way – it can have a profound impact on all our relationships.
1. Emotional healthy is at the center of winning with people. Attitude is everything. Good personal habits build a healthy attitude. You get the best of others when you give the best of yourself. Research shows that 45% of Americans report that they would change a bad habit if they could. The truth is – that you can change it. It just starts with attitude and commitment. Your relationships can be only as healthy as you are.
2. Practice the 30 second rule – within the first thirty seconds of a conversation, say something encouraging to that person. When most people meet others, they search for ways to make themselves look good. The key to success is reversing this practice. All people feel better and do better when you give them attention, affirmation and appreciation.
“A gossip is one who talks to you about other people. A bore is one who talks to you about himself. And a brillant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself.” – William King
When someone praises you, doesn’t your energy level go up! and criticism brings it down. Words can have great power. One of the greatest side benefits of the 30 second rule is that it also helps you. You can’t help others without also helping yourself.
3. Let people know you need them – Good leaders make people feel that they’re at the very heart of things – this gives their work meaning and value.
4. Create a memory – few things bond people together like a shared memory. Most people don’t lead their lives – they accept the things that happen. They wait for memorable experiences to happen. Never giving a thought to planning an experience that will actually make a memory happen. When you create such a memory – be sure to give that person something to remember it by. The most important part of creating a memory is reliving it. It’s the payoff. There isn’t a person in the world who doesn’t understand the value of a positive memory.
5. Compliment people in front of other people – the most fundamental and straight way of winning with people is to give a compliment – a sincere and meaningful word of affirmation. It’s essential that you learn to give your compliments in front of others as well as one-on-one. They increase in value when done in public. To affirm is to make firm. When you affirm people’s dream, you help their dreams to become more real than their doubts. I don’t care how great, how famous or successful a man or woman may be, each hungers for applause.
“Encouragement is the oxygen to the soul” – George Matthew Adams
6. Give others a reputation to uphold – one of the best ways to inspire others and make them feel good about themselves is to show them who they COULD be. Why is that important, because people will go farther than they thought they could when someone they respect tells them they can. When you back up your belief in people with action or words, their self doubt begins to evaporate. Giving people nicknames that speak to their potential strengths is a powerful motivator.
7. Passing the credit to others – is one of the easiest way to win with people. When you give credit in writing – you have the potential to uplift them for a lifetime. People cherish plaques, letters and other types of recognition. They save them for long periods of time. Annually postal workers handle 170 billion pieces of mail. Yet , in this huge sea of mail, officials say personal letters account for less than 4% of the total. More than ever in this day and age, a handwritten note communicates you care.
8. Keep your eyes off the mirror – If you focus on others, continually working to give them what they need, then you are able to keep your eyes off the mirror. Success in life has nothing to do with what you gain in life or accomplish for yourself. It’s what you do for others.
9. Learn the mailman’s name – recognize the value of a name. How do you feel when someone calls you by the wrong name? When a person still remembers your name after a long time, how does that make you feel. When people care enough to learn your name – it makes a difference. Here are some ways to remember the names you encounter:
S – Say the name three times in conversation
A – Ask a question about the name ( example: how is is spelled?)
V – Visualize the person’s prominent physical or personality feature.
E – End the conversation with the name
Tips by Jerry Lucas – known as Dr. Memory
10. Remember their story – There are so many reasons to learn a person’s story. Here are just a few that keep motivating me to continue the practice with others:
Requesting a person’s story says, “You could be special.”
Remembering a person’s story says, “You are special.”
Reminding a person of his or her story says, “You are special to me.”
Repeating a person’s story to others says, “You should be special to them.”
What ways can you share that have helped you to win with people?